Why do people say that an ideal partner should be an independent lunatic? This saying is particularly classic. What it means is that the person you’re looking for can live very well, even happily, without you. But they still choose to be with you simply because they love you. That means they are financially independent, emotionally independent, and have a complete life of their own. They are with you because they want to be, not because they need you. Only this kind of relationship is healthy, equal, and can last long.

An ideal partnership is like a sculptor awakening the sleeping David from marble—you are supposed to help each other become the ideal versions of yourselves. For example, if you want to become fitter and more energetic, a sculptor-type partner will go hiking with you and encourage you to try new hobbies. A non-sculptor-type partner might often put you down or suppress you out of fear of being left behind. A sculptor-type partner will support you with actions—for example, becoming your first listener, proactively finding resources for your learning, or even sharing their own failures with you so you don’t feel so much pressure.